The Will to Live
by tek9cb
Summary: While studying abroad in England, Helena becomes a rare breed of vampire: self-turned. As she is irrevocably caught in the horrors of the world of Hellsing, will she continue to make the choice to survive?
1. Chapter 1

Alright, this is a fanfic about an OC I thought up to pass the time. She was originally in a different situation, but I felt like this made for a better story. I have some idea of where it's going, though not much of one. I really hope to stay away from the romance genre, although I'm not really sure what genres it will fall into.

This is actually an edited version of the first chapter, I had it up before but hadn't really had a chance to re-read it. So here it is, slightly better, or at least I think so.

I really don't find this necessary, as it's extremely obvious, but I don't own Hellsing. Or Alucard, as much as I'd like to. I tried to keep him in character because he's awesome as is.

* * *

I waited impatiently in a line of slightly more than ten people to order my lunch. I had taken a rare break from studying in my dormitory room at the behest of my roommate. She had been worried that I didn't get out often enough and had recommended one of the small bistros affiliated with the university. I was beginning to regret following her advice.

But then I was reminded of the supposed quality of the food by the number of non-student locals in line and sitting at the scattered tables. For a restaurant attached to a university to draw anything but half-starved college kids, it had to be pretty damn good. I contented myself with listening to the overlapping conversations around me, as I had no companions of my own with whom I could add another layer to the peaceful chatter that filled the inviting space.

In the next instant, that peaceful chatter was overwhelmed by a noise that I recognized, a sudden burst of sound that violently drew me from my thoughts of sandwiches and essays. The sound repeated itself rapidly, and someone behind me began to scream, shattering the trance of shock and incredulity that had hung over the occupants of the bistro. A searing pain ripped through my shoulder as bodies began to fall to the ground around me.

I could no longer delude myself that I had misinterpreted the sound of the first gunshot; there was indeed someone spraying what seemed to be automatic rounds into the crowd of fear addled and instinct driven bodies, scrambling over one another in a desperate and futile bid for self-preservation. Aside from a distant emergency exit through the small kitchen in an unfamiliar back room, the only escape route was effectively blocked by the gunman as he stood in the front entryway facing in.

Two more bullets pierced my body, one in the hip and one in the leg, and my body crumpled on legs that could no longer support weight. Through the cloud of pain I was dimly aware of the assailant reloading his weapon. Shots rang out again and blood pooled the ground, a stray bullet piercing my chest. What felt like hours passed as the madman continually reloaded and emptied his clip, all the while laughing maniacally. By now, I was certain that there was no one left standing, all most likely mortally wounded if the silence that surrounded me was any indicator.

My helplessness and the injustice of it all infuriated me, although I was far too weak to display the full range of my emotions. I was studying abroad in England for only this one semester, and it just so happened that a mentally disturbed man with a gun would attack the only place I had gone besides from my classrooms in weeks. What had I done to deserve the misfortune, the injustice of it all?

Something stirred around me, my own blood mixing with the blood of the bodies around me. It swirled, slowly encircling my body, and I could hear the voices of the souls that it contained.

_You don't deserve it._

_You shouldn't die like this._

_You can't die like this. _

_It's too late for us._

_Take our lives and live them as your own._

_Yes, the blood…_

_Drink it…_

_Drink it._

_Drink it!_

_DRINK IT!_

The gunman had stopped laughing at some point. He looked on in obvious horror as I invested the last of my fading strength in moving my mouth to the floor, my tongue snaking out to lap at the blood that was swirling around me of its own accord. It was absorbed directly into my very soul, transforming my body and giving me strength. My teeth lengthened into fangs and my eyes shown with an eerie crimson glow as I glanced up at the terrified man. As my eyes met his, he screamed and turned to escape, his gaze no longer transfixed on the monster I had become. Before he could travel more than a few steps, I took him in my grasp by the neck with uncanny speed and strength.

_He's the one who killed you._

_Who killed us._

_Your comrades._

_He killed us._

_Stole our futures._

_Kill him!_

_Torture him!_

_Make him feel the pain that we felt! _

_KILL HIM!_

An insane grin warped my features; I was more than willing to answer the demands of my comrades. The hand grasping his neck tightened its grip almost of its own accord as I pulled him closer to me, his screams of agony and terror the sweetest music to my ears. As I pulled his neck to my eagerly awaiting mouth; the smell of his fear permeated his blood, causing my fangs to lengthen in longing in desire. But I was not about to give him the satisfaction of a swift death. I bit down, my teeth passing first through skin, followed in slow succession by muscle, arteries, the trachea, the esophagus, to finally close on hard bone. A gargled scream escaped through the torn opening in his throat as I ground my teeth together on his spine, slowly closing my jaws until I was exerting enough pressure to crush the vertebrae that were the sole tether between his head and his body. I stopped just short of doing so, relieving the pressure only slightly to instead begin suckling the rent flesh, drawing heavily until his heart struggled to pump blood that was no longer in his veins. Only then did I stab my hand through his chest and into his heart, ending his life with certainty.

His limp body fell from my grasp as I stepped back to admire my work, my comrades congratulating me on a wonderfully exacted revenge. My tongue swirled about in my mouth, savoring the last tastes of the human blood, sweetened with the fear I had instilled in his heart.

I was forcibly pulled from my reverie by the sound of sirens, still in the distance but approaching quickly. It mystified me how the police could only be arriving just now; I knew that it had to have been at least half an hour since the first gun shot.

_They're here to save us!_

_But what from?_

_It doesn't matter._

_Safety!_

_But won't they be suspicious?_

_The only one left._

_The real culprit is dead._

_But the police are good people!_

_They'll suspect us._

_They'll interrogate us._

_They'll punish us for the choice to live._

_They'll kill us._

_They'll kill us!_

I fled from the scene, finding myself able to pass through walls and solid objects with ease, eager to escape the now suffocating confines of the once welcoming space, now spattered with blood and littered with corpses. A part of me was screaming to stop, to tell the police everything that had happened, to be told that everything was going to be all right. But the dominant, logical part of my brain was certain that my comrades were right, that I would be suspected as the only one alive, that I would be punished for taking the lives of others even if offered or in self-defense. And so, I ran, far surpassing human ability in terms of both speed and stamina. But I could not keep up the pace forever even in my new state of existence, collapsing several miles away in a dark alley, gasping for unnecessary air. After slowing my breath, I attempted to stand only to collapse once more, my legs burning from exertion.

_It's all right, you tried your best._

_I'm sure we're far enough away._

_There's nothing to trace to you._

_No path to where we are._

_It's fine._

_We're safe._

_We're safe…_

_Or not._

_Something's coming._

_It's strong._

_You feel it, don't you._

_Run._

_We still can't die here._

_Run!_

_RUN!_

I gasped, a strangled scream rising in my throat. I could feel the presence and the hostility it emanated, though the mechanism of this new sense escaped me. I could tell that it was not human, and that it was moving towards me. Fast. I flew to my feet and took off running as though I had not been struggling to even stand moments before, raw survival instinct coursing through my body and drawing out what lest dregs of strength remained.

But this second burst of speed was not nearly as fast as the first. Something flew from behind me, tackling me to the ground as I screamed. I struggled as strong limbs pinned me to the asphalt that made up the road of the alleyway, succeeding only in rotating myself to face my assailant. It was a man, tall and lithe, his thin frame severely contradicting the incredible strength that he was exerting, with ridiculously pale skin and raven hair. I was not surprised to see that his eyes shown the same crimson as my own, but surprise and terror are far from mutually exclusive. I continued to writhe beneath him, beginning to snap my jaws attempting to reach his neck with my fangs as anger overwhelmed my fear, swiftly becoming the dominant emotion shining through my eyes.

I was distracted from my growing bloodlust when he chuckled, a slow rumbling sound from deep within his chest. I halted my efforts, no longer able to detect the hostility previously radiating off of him, and grew even more confused as he began laughing heartily.

_He must be mad._

_Touched._

_Delusional._

_Psychotic, even._

I was distracted from the internal dialogue as the subject of their discussion all but released me, standing both of us on our feet so that he was looking directly into my eyes. I glared at him defiantly, still not entirely sure of his intentions, as he seemed to search my eyes for something. His face split into a grin wider than any smile should ever be; he apparently liked what he had found.

"You have an amazing amount of will power to have turned into a vampire without the help of another."His eyes twinkled with amusement as he continued, "It is, after all, giving up that kills people." He laughed as though at a private joke. "Do you want to die?"

His sudden question startled me. It made me remember the hostility that I had felt coming off of him in waves, remember that he was most likely here to kill me. But I knew my answer without any thought, gasping out the words that burst from within me.

"No. I refuse to."

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I very much appreciate any sort of feedback, both positive and negative. I'm sort of looking for someone to tell me what genre it should be... Anyway, please review!


	2. Chapter 2

I have no idea what anyone will think about this chapter. So please review and tell me your thoughts!

I think there may be anywhere from two to four chaoters left to write of this series to get where I'm headed.

And thank you everyone for reading chapter one!

* * *

The laugh that escaped from the man's chest upon hearing my response was a far cry from either the rumbling chuckle or the hearty laugh that I had heard earlier. It was a blood curdling, psychotic laughter, a demented version of the sound of a child who has discovered a new toy.

"We'll have to see about that."

He removed the arm that had snaked around my waist, allowing me to collapse to the ground.

"Without even the strength to stand up, you refuse to die? Laughable."

I stifled a scream as he bent over me, scrambling to escape somehow without the use of my legs. I managed only to crawl mere feet before he grabbed me once more, this time by the throat. I hissed, the only sound my crushed trachea could produce, still glaring defiantly through my fear and pain. He laughed once more, the same dreaded sound as before, and he released me to the ground. As I gasped habitually for breath, I attempted to concentrate on determining the nature of the intent I could feel radiating from his mind; though not malicious, it was most definitely not benevolent.

His command of "Come." was redundant as he gathered my exhausted form to his chest in one smooth motion. His grip was neither gentle nor comforting, but neither was it harsh; it simply was. I lacked the strength to protest, and he began to make his way towards the place that I had been trying so desperately to escape from not so long ago. I must have run farther than I had thought, that or my concept of time had been severely distorted, considering how ridiculously long the return trip seemed to drag on despite our near breakneck speed.

"Little one." I glanced up, perturbed by what sounded like a pet name. "There is only a very slight chance that my master will allow you to survive." The tone of his voice as he said this was unconcerned, causing me to frown. What was it that he intended by telling me this? Would he allow me to escape? As if he had caught my train of thought, which he most likely had, he smirked and continued.

"The only alternative, however, is for me to kill you, right here, right now."

He stopped, pausing in his gait as if he would not have been able to fully hear my answer otherwise. Although, I thought briefly, it was more likely that he had simply paused so that he could end my life more easily if I were to take the second choice offered.

_We will die either way._

_But one offers hope._

_Is hope worth it?_

_It will be crushed._

_Hope is not promise._

_But it is hope._

_It is possibility._

_We choose hope._

_We choose life._

_We will live._

I bared my fangs at him in response, growling at the thought of dying for a second time. It seemed to be enough of an answer for him, and he swiftly returned to his previous pace, his eyes bright with amusement.

When we arrived at the small restaurant, I was surprised that the police were nowhere to be found. Instead, a sleek black Cadillac and several military grade vans created a perimeter around the crime scene, soldiers and what seemed to be researchers acting with clinical precision as bodies destined only for the mortuary were carted into several waiting ambulances. The man carried me towards the man who seemed to be in charge, ordering the soldiers and researchers alike in their activities. As we moved closer, I could see that the man was actually a woman in a black pantsuit with rather long platinum blond hair, a cigar hanging loosely secured at the corner of her mouth. She turned her piercing blue eyes towards us, the expression shifting from indifference, to surprise, to anger within seconds.

"Alucard! What took you so long?" Her eyes narrowed in suspicion as her eyes darted down to meet mine. As cold as ice, she breathed with barely concealed fury "Would that happen to be the suspect?"

The man I now knew was named Alucard allowed me to flop unceremoniously to the ground at his feet, several soldiers rushing forward to restrain me. There was, of course, no need for restraint; I could tell that not even an ounce of the strength my comrades had given me remained in my body, spent in my flight from the very place I was now forced to be. Alucard stepped over my body to stand with only a foot between him and the woman whom I assumed he had been referring to as his 'master.'

"But Integra, I considered that you could possibly desire to know what transpired? Your frustration at your inability to discover the exact sequence of events is almost palpable." He grinned, showing off his fangs. "I am humbly offering to… interrogate the suspect in my own, very effective way."

The woman… Integra? grimaced at what was an obviously unpleasant memory. "Very well then. Do what you wish, but do not do it here. I do not wish to see." She turned, striding to discuss this new potential source of information with a forensics team standing a few feet away.

After realizing that there was no need to restrain me, the few soldiers that had stepped forward to do so stood awkwardly as Alucard collected me into his arms. I realized now what his method of carrying me was reminiscent of: it was as though he was holding an inanimate object rather than a person. Not even bothering with the pretense of walking, he gathered shadow around us and disappeared, dragging me along with him as we presumably teleported to a secluded area not far from.

Without warning, he bit into my neck, sharp teeth piercing weary flesh. Through the haze of blood loss, it vaguely reminded me of devouring the man who had taken my life, although Alucard was not purposefully causing me pain. I could tell, even as he stole away the very substance that gave me life, that he seriously intended for me to live. At least through this. Just before he reached the point at which I would die from his draining, he removed his fangs and gently licked the puncture wounds as though distracted. At least I thought that he did; he pulled away before I could really be certain.

I was uncertain exactly drinking my blood constituted interrogating me until I remembered my comrades. Blood was the currency of the soul, carrying all the memories, knowledge, even skills, of its owner in life. Alucard seemed to be contemplating something as he sorted through the memories he had acquired, his expression more serious than it had been for the whole duration of our acquaintance. He would occasionally raise a single eyebrow or twitch the corner of his mouth, ever so slight changes in his expression the only hint that anything was happening at all.

Several minutes passed before he appeared to feel satisfied that he was familiar with every detail of what had come to pass that afternoon, the smirk which I assumed to be his norm returning to contort the features of his face. Without any warning, he began to unbutton his shirt and shift his collar to reveal his neck.

"Drink."

There was no reasonable explanation for his actions, causing me to suspect them to be a trap of some sort. I struggled as much as the confines of Alucard's arms and my weakened constitution would allow, drawing an amused chuckle from the chest I was held against.

"Settle down, little one. I can't exactly make an argument for your usefulness alive if you're half-dead."

I begrudgingly ceased my fidgeting and allowed him to pull my face to his neck and allowed myself to inhale deeply the scent of his blood. Though it did not flow as strongly as a human's, nor was it nearly as warm, a vampire's blood held an intoxicatingly exotic characteristic. As blood lust took over, it crossed my mind that I must have been mad to resist the initial temptation. But only briefly.

I sank my teeth deep into the flesh of his neck, relishing the rich flavor and slight warmth of the blood that flowed freely into my mouth. Along with the blood, memories flooded my mind, almost but not quite over whelming my own with their sheer concentration. This man, this creature, had lived for longer than I could even imagine. Out of curiosity, I drank until I felt that I had gained every one of his memories, even those that he could not consciously remember. Only then did I pull away, newly filled with the strength that coursed through his veins.

He set me down now that I was strong enough to stand on my own, watching me curiously as I sorted through the memories I had gained. From life, his childhood as the third prince of Wallachia, his imprisonment by the Ottomans, his wives, the three separate instances of his rule, his war against the Ottomans, his second imprisonment, and his execution. The moment he drank human blood and relinquished his barely intact humanity. From un-life, his extensive travels, his time spent in Romania, his capture by Van Helsing and the surrounding events, Van Helsing's various methods of torture and experimentation, his involvement in the World Wars, his sealing in the Hellsing family dungeons and his subsequent release, the turning of his most recent fledgeling, and the events of the Millennium incident. It fascinated me to have gained the knowledge of nearly six hundred years of life in the span of mere minutes.

Alucard seemed interested as well, his sneer replaced by a frown.

"How much did you gain?"

I knew, somehow, that he meant the memories.

"All of them? I think, anyway."

His frown deepened.

"Even I need to drain someone completely to gain the knowledge of a fifty year life span."

I could hear the unspoken question in his words, masked by pride. I had no answer for him, only guesses that I chose not to voice, and so decided on simply shrugging my shoulders in a half hearted way.

As I followed him from our hiding place, which I discovered to be an empty stairwell, I was surprised to find it easier to pass through walls than it had been during my flight, a changed I consigned to Alucard's potent blood. We stepped into the sun, once more surrounded by the gyrating activities of what I now knew to be Hellsing staff. Integra, the only unmoving figure amidst the commotion, turned toward us, scowling as our eyes met.

"I was wondering why I hadn't heard any screams. Alucard, I could have sworn you were going to terminate her."

I was flooded by Alucard's memories of the woman before me as a frightened twelve year old girl, targeted by her own relatives. I briefly wondered how she had changed so much, though surging memories soon answered my question.

"Ah, but Master, she could be quite useful to both you and I. She has her… uses." His wording and intonation irritated both Integra and myself, and he continued, quite pleased with himself. "She is better at… interrogation than I myself am, quite a feat for a newborn vampire."

"Wonder child or not, a vampire is still a vampire." Her ice blue eyes turned briefly towards my own red ones before returning to glare at Alucard. "You'll have to do much better than that."

"She can shoot." He grinned.

Integra raised her eyebrows, "How does a civilian know how to shoot in a place like England?"

"Uhm…" They both turned towards me, Alucard amused and Integra furious. "I'm actually from America, and I'm quite a good shot with several weapons. I can also fight?"

Integra visibly squirmed in response. Knowing what the Hellsing organization did and that it was quite in need of soldiers after the Millenium incident seemed to be working to my advantage. Finally she snapped, throwing her arms up in frustration.

"She's your responsibility, Alucard!" She shouted at us as she walked away to deal with some other pressing matter. As I turned to see a psychotic grin distorting Alucard's otherwise handsome face, I wondered what I had just signed myself to. Even armed with his memories, Alucard was an unknown variable. A variable that most likely intended to use me for entertainment in ways that I couldn't even imagine.

_But we are alive._

_Yes, we are alive._

_Alive._

I'm sort of sad that i didn't stick in more voices... they're my favorite part. But I don't feel like finding places to stick them in.

I ask again, please review!


	3. Haitus ish Type Thing?

I'm so so so so so so sorry! I can't believe it's been so long; I sort of planned to have this finished in a few days. Obviously didn't happen. Please wait a little longer if you like it, because I have more to write. I'm just crazy busy (school started up again, got a job, etc.) so I have no idea when I'll have time to write more chapters. Thank you to everyone who read, I really hope I won't dissapoint you all with the wait for future chapters/ the future chapters themselves! I love you all! But not in a creepy way. ^.^


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